How to handle debt that existed before the relationship

How to handle debt that existed before the relationship

Debt from before the relationship can bring guilt, fear, and silence. Avoiding the topic only makes it heavier. The goal is not to assign blame—it’s to build a plan both of you can live with.

Start with honesty, not numbers

Begin with context: what happened, what you learned, and what you’re doing now. Then move to the facts: balances, interest rates, and minimum payments.

Decide what is shared vs. individual

A simple rule helps:

• Past debt stays individual unless you explicitly decide otherwise.
• Current shared goals stay protected (emergency fund, rent, basic bills).

That keeps the relationship fair while still being supportive.

Create a joint plan

If you want to tackle the debt together, agree on three things:

1. How much support is realistic (a fixed monthly amount)
2. How long you’ll do it (review date)
3. What changes if income changes

Protect trust with visibility

Use a shared dashboard for the things you both manage, and a separate view for the debt plan. That keeps transparency without making one partner feel monitored.

Don’t skip the check-ins

Monthly reviews are essential. It’s the difference between “we agreed once” and “we’re still aligned.”

The good news: a clear agreement can turn a sensitive topic into a shared win. You’re not solving it alone—you’re solving it as a team.